❝ and if no one sees you, are you really there at all? ❞

29. leaving high school.
Posted Saturday, October 31, 2015 // 10:31 PM
just a reminder. this might be a very lengthy post (and a very emosh one). you do not have to read it if you do not want to. but BRACE YOURSELF.

do you know that feeling when you're reading, that you don't want to end the book but you need and dying to know what the ending is? i feel the same way about leaving high school. i admit that there comes the time when i could not wait to leave high school and be free from all the tension and pressure. but now that i come towards the end of it, i realise that i actually do not want this to end. i do not want to leave high school. i am not yet ready to face the so-called real world. okay, think about it. we are going to leave the same routine that we have been doing for almost 11 years. i think i might have some kind of a love hate relationship with school. because, let's be real. leaving homeworks. BIG YES. leaving friends (or people). NONONONONOOOOO. 


i think the reason i do not want to leave high school is mainly because i do not want to leave people. i fear of being forgotten and forgetting. i hate it when i forget people because i know what is it like to be forgotten. we have been building friendships and relationships for almost 5 years. the scariest bit of leaving high school is that you do not know if those people you have been together with for 5 years are going to stay or just be gone. are they the one, or the one that got away? that is why people say, the end is the beginning. once we end high school, we begin to know who has God sent to us to stay in our life and the ones who are not. the ones who matter to us the most might be not that kind of person to us anymore. 


i would want to post this on my instagram but the caption would be a never-ending scroll. also, i would love to do an appreciation post to all of the people that mean the most to me but that would be impossible to do so. instead, i just do a blog post instead. 





to those who i knew since kindergarten or primary school, or the ones who i knew since the beginning of high school, the ones who i used to love or hate or both, the ones who i just got close to this year, the ones who i just got to know (in the last two weeks of school) although we have been in the same school for 5 years or less than that, the ones who i fangirl with, the ones who share the same interest as mine but i just know about it in the last week of school (ugh sucks), the ones who i usually look from a distance and do not have the guts to talk to, to the teacher who is like my best friend now, the ones who used to be my friend to acquaintances to stranger (or vice versa), the ones who i do not talk to anymore but i used to be close (and might have some of my secrets), even to those who i barely talk to (or never have i ever) and not to forget to those who i exchange glances and smiles once in a while.


there are a lot of other people who i would like to mention but i would need an eternity to do so. i hope those people who read this know who they are without me mentioning their name. i just want you to know that all of you matter to me. no matter if you are still in my life or not.  our path crossed with reasons. God has written the story of our lives without flaws. God has sent all of you into my life and God has sent me into your lives, with reasons. either as a lesson or a blessing. 


this may be too cheesy or it does not even matter to you. some of you might gag reading this because let's be real, we will move on from this and probably another year from now, it would not matter to us any longer. but i just want to talk about it as long as it is still matter to me. i want to embrace it as long as it is still in my mind. because it has become a part of my life and i cannot not talk about it. this is the story that i am going to tell to my child later. this is the story of my life and i do not want to forget it. as worse as it can get, it is still the best memory that i have and i will take it with me in the pocket of my mind wherever i go. 


it does feel good though, leaving high school. no more homeworks. no more studying stuffs that we are not eager to know. no more assembly. no more having to wake up early. but leaving high school also means, no more seeing your best friends five days a week or maybe more. no more screaming your teacher's name and wouldn't stop talking about how beautiful she can get each day, everyday. no more stupid inside jokes with your friend while the teacher is teaching. no more gossips. no more creeping and fangirling to your crush. no more hiding your classmates' stuffs. no more copying your friend's homework. no more horror story-telling by your teacher. no more EVERYTHING. and that is sad. talking about this just can make me hear my heart breaking louder and clearer than before. 


to the teachers, i could not thank you enough for your supports. all the sacrifices yet we still wouldn't listen to all of you. sorry for being such a nuisance. thanks for being our best friends, sisters, brothers, and parents in school. without all of you, i wouldn't be where i am right now.

and to my english teachers and all of my other teachers, 



this is for all of you. thank you for giving me support and inspire me to get better and do better each day.


to the 2015's alumnus of smkpg, i am glad that we were born in the same year. i am sorry for all of my wrongdoings, either vaguely done or not. i could not thank all of you enough for entering my life. even the little things matter. probably your smile had made my day before. i may not have given all of you a lot to remember. and i cannot promise you that i won't forget you because at some point in my life, i might will. and you might forget me as well. but i hope to God that i won't. just remember that, at some point in my life, you guys are the reason that i am still here.


to the juniors, please behave. create more memories because you are guiding your own story. it will be something that you will remember in the little side of your mind. do not burden the teachers. do not be mad at the teachers when they scold you because they won't be mad at you for nothing. they are doing what they are doing because that is what they are supposed to do. appreciate them. thank them. love them. be good. be kind.  and for the drama people next year, you can do better without having to be trees to win ;)


all in all, good luck for spm and i believe in all of us. we can do this. may the best batch succeed. 


Carpe Librum,
L.



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