hello? i guess? sorry, i have been gone for awhile now. i wasn't feeling like i want to write. i don't why, i don't know why. but hey, here i am. let's cherish this moment while it lasts, shall we?
actually, i don't really have the main topic for this post. but i do have some ideas of what i will be talking about. the thing is, i just don't know where to begin with. but maybe, that's what. it's not about something to begin with, but it's about something to end with.
i don't know if this is one of my insecurities or what (yes, i do have plenty of insecurities besides my appearances. but i mean, don't we all?). i want to point out about my clingyness (<-- is this a proper english word? whatever). is this something to be insecured about? is this a flaw? i don't know.
i am this kind of person that will be clingy towards you when i am comfortable with you. but i don't mean like a normal clingy, but i will spam you with my texts. i want to spend my time 24/7 with you and get annoyed or mad or sad when i don't, and you have to do the same. basically, i will never let you out of my sight when i have reached to that one level of being comfortable with certain people. do you get what i mean?
i used to be fine with myself being clingy. not until someone told me that i need to stop because i am being annoying. and i guess, that has left me scarred and scared for life. my mind will be forever scarred that i am annoying for being clingy. and i will be forever scared to be attached to someone because i'm scared that i will annoy the fuck out of them with this clingyness.
i didn't realise it until yesterday. that my clingyness is one of my insecurities. and i hated myself for being in such ways. i tweeted about it and one of my favourite people replied and said that maybe that person is not the right person for me to cling on. and that really opened up my mind. she is right.
that person didn't even deserve my attention. not even my love, yet i still loved him. thank God i have kicked him out of my life. he was like my biggest lesson in life. he didn't even treat me well. why the hell was i with him? ugh. but whatever it is, i have moved on. it just that i have a few moment in my life where i will think about my past, especially the bad ones. just for self-reflection. so that i will never repeat the same mistake again.
so, lessons learned, kids. remember that always careful about something that you gotta say about someone. it might be one of their insecurities. and for you to point that out to them, will be the biggest nightmare and will scar them for life. just remember that our insecurities doesn't revolve around our physical appearances only.
and another lesson from this post is, if that person don't treat you well and ignore you, just leave them. they are not worth any attention to you. get you a person who can treat you like a normal human being. that can accept you and learn how to deal with your flaws. don't let them tell you what to do. just be you. if that person can't accept you for being yourself, then what are you waiting for? cause someone out there could love you more. (okay, to be fair, that was troye sivan's lyrics from lost boy but screw it. i like the lyrics and it speaks the truth.)
any way, if you don't feel loved when you are around someone that you love, then just walk away. you are loved. i promise you. but not by them. okay?
i think that's for it now. i don't have anything else to say. i miss writing so much. i do have a lot of things to talk about. i just don't know how to put it into proper words and it is just to much that i don't know where on earth should i begin. i'll try to post as often as i could since i haven't started my school yet. so yeaaahhh. gotta gowww.
hello? i guess? god, i haven't updated my blog for what it seems like, centuries. i was feeling so unmotivated. i do have a lot of things to talk about but i don't seem to have the motivation to put into words. a lot of things has happened this few weeks. one of them is i got my SPM result. i got 4A2B1C2D. don't ask. but gladly, luckily, i got A+ for my english. couldn't be happier. i do not have anything to complain about my results, really. i am really grateful with what i have been given. but it seems like some of them are not satisfied with it. why do they have to make me feel like i am being less ungrateful? ugh.
so i don't really have any topics to talk about today. so i will just rant out my thoughts at the moment. actually, i am updating my blog in my old school. i was supposed to assist my teacher for the public speaking audition. but the teachers are having meeting, so it got cancelled and i am already in school. well, at least, i am not sitting on bum at home, doing nothing aye? but i am actually doing the same thing, only in different location.
i was thinking about where am i going to continue my studies. in which field? should i enter form 6 or should i continue with foundation regarding my English result. i don't want to waste it. so i don't know. not to brag, but i was one of the A+ students for english. there were only 2 A+ students aha. so yeah. that is why i said that i don't want to waste it.
also, i feel like i want to write a book. right now. not even in the future. but like right now. is that normal? but then again, in liyana's life, what is normal?
apparently, 18 years ago from today, i was born. aha. yep. today is my birthday. weirdly i like my birth date because i found it quite hard to find somebody with a same birth date as mine. so, i think that maybe i should write a short post. mediocre short post. i cannot guarantee anything about how long this post gonna be. well then, i better start it right now.
so, here you go. 18 things i learned in life;
1. if someone doesn't appreciate you or treat you like you deserve to be treated, they are not worth the hurt, the pain and the heartbreak.
2. you make mistake because you are a human. it is normal for human to err.
3. make sure when you decided to walk out of someone's life, do not turn back around.
4. love your parents. they may not understand you all the time, but they will always be there to love you.
5. if someone say that they want you, be sure that they show it. not just say it.
6. don't let your past define who you are now.
7. if your best friend doesn't like your partner, there must be something wrong. you see what you want to see; and that will cover up all the flaws.
8. true friends will accept for who you are and never will judge you by your past.
9. friends fight, that's that. but true friends will always come back.
10. not everyone wants to hear about your problem, let alone care about it. try not to someone solve your problem for you. just let them be just the listener.
11. try to do new things. step out of your comfort zone. that's how you find yourself.
12. if you want something, work for it. people aren't born talented, honey. they work for it.
13. sometimes, even though you do your best, it is still not enough for someone else. so take the matters of your own hand. do not depend on someone else too much.
14. when you are promised or convinced with something, always expect for the least. it is hard to find someone who keep their promises.
15. do not let someone else be your happiness, they will always break it.
16. people's definitions of beautiful are different. if they tell you that you are ugly, someone else might see you like you are the most beautiful thing in the world.
17. people often sugarcoat things. so do not rely on the bright side. be prepared for the bitter.
18. it's quite flattering for someone to have a crush on you. but remember, being somebody's crush means that they like you for what they see. go for someone who has seen all the sides of you, and still want you for who you are.
god, that is all. i feel like there's a lot of other things that i want to point out but i have limited into 18. this is just what i learned. doesn't mean i'm right though. this is just how i feel. i haven't been living for a long time. i still do have something more to learn about. toodles~
hey guyssss! here i am laying down on my bed in front my laptop, typing away some words into a full on sentence which i hope does make sense since it is like 10 minutes past 12 in the midnight. yeah, i put my blog post on schedule because i am THAT dedicated. i don't know why but i have the feeling that i have the need to talk about my favourite songs.
okay here's a thing. somehow, i find that one of the hardest question or one of a question with an infinite answer is "what is your favourite song?" and most of the time, i will just tell them about my current favourite song. it is impossible for me to answer an instant i have been questioned that question. i think i might have to sit down for a few days and write down all the songs that i love. then, i will be coming up to you with what-it-seems-like-a-harry-potter-and-the-order-of-the-phoenix but it is not. it is just as thick as that and when you read it, you will find that it is actually a list of my favourite songs.
however, in this post i won't be only talking about the songs that i love. but these are the songs that actually speaks for me. and you will find that most of the songs are actually instrumental and it is accurate. because sometimes, not even words can describe what do you feel inside, right? the songs that i will be giving out mostly have the lyrics that i found that even myself, can barely decipher thoroughly into it. instead, it will just end up with me thinking about that sing even more, trying to find and understand the lyrics, or what the story behind it. long story short, these are the songs that the lyrics or just the musics haunt me for ever.
and now that i have the song listed on my brain, i just realised that almost all of the songs are the only song that i heard and loved by a singer/band that i am not that obsessed with. (does this make sense?) and being the band obsessed as i am, i find that it is hard for me to choose only ONE SONG that i love from that band. that is just impossible. so none of the song that will be listed are from the bands or singer that i am obsessed with.
this song is just pure perfection. i find that this song gives me a roller coaster emotion. it starts of slow and in the middle it just blew me away. this is the song that gets me to dance although i am not a dancer; even terrible at it. it just hits me in the right place. oohhh, and fun fact, this song is in the movie Insidious. i was actually trying to find the song that Renee was singing with the piano and found this one instead. it is in the scene where they have moved into a new house and found somebody changing the song to Tiptoe Through The Tulips and dancing to it. it was the song before that.
well, this one, also was a main theme from a movie Requiem for a Dream. the story behind this happened recently actually. i was looking at the synthesia thing on youtube, because i was obsessed with piano instrumental at the moment. and then, i saw in the recommended section but it was entitled Requiem of a Dream and i was attracted by the title. and when the song started, i knew by that moment, i was screwed. just like Nuvole Bianche, the song starts of slow and in the middle of it, it just caused a riot in my heart. and there was this one time when i was listening to the full original version of it, not the piano instrumental version, when i was in the mall with my family. and in the piano instrumental, it wasn't a full version. so when i started to listen to the full original version of it, in the mall, i got chills and i was just starstrucked by it. and i just had to watch the movie which i find it quite interesting. not my favourite but it is a nice movie. i ended up in tears which i always do, so no surprise.
okay, this one actually i don't know what's the title because i found it on dance moms. it just happened to be the song from my most favourite group routine.; runaway/children with guns. when i rewatch the sow, i was mad because in the show they didn't really use the title children with guns and they didn't include the newscast. and i am super annoyed because the dance routine is just amazing and the story behind it just ahhhh. YOU MUST WATCH IT. i just love it so much i don't know why. but i am going to leave a video here.
okay, i just gotta save the best instrumental for the last. i discovered this song from the game Life is Strange that i watched Jacksepticeye playing. it is just amazing. i love the game, i love the soundtrack especially this one. because they used this song when Max listened to the voice mail that Nathan sent to her. and it just breaks me inside. it still does. that is like the part that all part of me shattered into pieces. HEARTBREAKING AF.
and here goes the song that is not instrumental lol
this song was also from dance moms. when i listened to this song while watching the dance routine. all i'm thing about is WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT???? i nearly cry every time i watch the dance routine. the lyrics is just simple but there is a whole lot meaning to it and i cannot interpret it which is disappointing for me. but all in all, i feel like the singer, is so underrated. and i have heard most of the song by them and it is actually good??? but i don't think anybody will know who they are which is very sad because they have like very good musics. thank God for dance moms. oh and also, the song was also from my favourite dance routine. so i'm gonna leave the video here for you to watch.
here is another song that i am grateful that i have mobile data and downloaded shazam because i heard this song was playing in the mall, so i just had to Shazam it. and i looked like an idiot because the volume was very low so it is hard to Shazam, then i had to raise my phone up in the air so it could detect the song. luckily, it did its job. i would be miserable if i can't find it. but to be exact, i only heard the music, not the lyrics. but when i search for the lyrics, i was like DAMN GIRL WHAT IS THISSSS. the lyrics to it just opened up my eyes and heart and mind.
i found this song from the awesomenesstv series with amanda steele on it called guidance. and in the second episode of it, if i am not mistaken, the counsellor interviewed a guy, i don't know what their relationship were. but this song started to play when they guy saw the girl dancing. when i listened to the lyrics thoroughly, i just... felt connected to it. it is so damn accurate??? but the lyrics are pretty self-explanatory. but the meaning just got me like... that explains me in a love life at that moment? aha. don't judge me.
the story about how i discover this song is pretty darn cute actually. i follow this poetry account (@wasitw0rtit) on instagram. and one day, the owner decided to make like a playlist based on each letter of our name. all we had to do was leave our name and our favourite genre. and she dm-ed me a picture of my name and the songs, which i didn't thought she would do because DAMN there was a lot of people who commented on that picture. so yeah, and one of which was this song that got me attached to it. the lyrics are very poetic, and i don't know. it is just beautiful. this song is just beautiful. i feel calm whenever listen to this song.
i didn't actually just found this actual song. i actually found the band when i was listening to other song. and then i saw someone uploaded the whole album of the band and i listened to it. i am attracted to the video because of the band's name. (Copeland is Kellin Quinn's daughter's name.)i like them. but i am not obsessed with them. but at that moment i was just trying to find a new song to listen to. so i try to listen every single one of the song from that band. and at last, i am only attached to this one song until now :)
i don't quite remember how did i find this song but what i remember was, as soon as i clicked on this song, i heard a very beautiful guitar arrangement in the beginning of the song. so then, i get the hang of it. until the end of the song. and that find that song just speaks to me at that moment. the words used in that songs just blew me away. and there was this one lyric that just makes me realise that, there's no way that there will be other song who describe it than this song can. i don't know. i just feel that the lyrics just hit in the right place. and i, even used some of the lyrics in my SPM Essay which you will find in my writings section in this blog <-- shameless self promoting.
there's a degree of difficulty in dealing with me.
this song is just plain big question mark. i am so curious about the story behind it. what the lyrics meant. it just left me thinking a lot. every lyrics just stuck in my head. i can't get away from the curiousity. every time i listen to this song, i feel like i can relate to it but i don't know which part of the lyrics. so yeah. that is freaking haunting now, does it? but somebody interpret it as the couple broke up because one of them cannot follow up with one of the partner's life as s/he is a celebrity? stars and boulevards? i don't know. all i know is just i love it.
look out, they're coming after us with big guns.
they're only gonna tell you all the bad things i've done.
even if the words they say aren't truth, they've won.
THIS SONG IS MY MOST FAVOURITE. i can't even describe how much i love this song. this song is me in a song. when people ask me to describe myself in song, i would give them this song. every lyrics of it. i found this song when i'm trying to find the song from Sala Samabojcow (Suicide Room) <-- one of my favourite song. then i found this song instead even though this song is not the soundtrack of the movie. gurllll, it's the soundtrack of me, i tell you. hahaha. and they don't even have the music video, somebody just make an edit of this song and the movie suicide room. it is so relatable. i don't know how to put it into words. really.
GOTTA SAVE THE BEST FOR THE LAST OKAYYYY THIS SONG IS MY MOST FAVOURITE SONG AS WELL. this is the first and strange is also the first. get it? both are my first most favourite. drew monson, if any of you who did not know (how dare you) is actually a youtuber. and my favourite as well. he is a friend of shane dawson. you might want to look drew's channel like i'm not even kidding. he is amazing. he is hilarious. just search mytoecold on youtube and binge watch it.
at first, i didn't even know he can sing or has a singing channel. i just found it when i saw his My Youtube Drama video. in the end of the video, he played piano and i was completely starstrucked by it. he just played it so effortlessly yet still so beautiful. so i just read the comments and found out his singing channel: thepophefakes. and i am grateful for it. his songs are beautiful. please listen to it. he is like lowkey musically talented. i am so sad that he doesn't get the attention that he deserved to get. the lyrics to this song is just completely moving. he also made a video about the song. what the lyrics meant. and you have to watch it as well. it is the most crucial part. because when i first listen to it, i don't really understand the song. but when i watched the video, i get the whole meaning of it and i am just so in love with it.
[i don't even know which lyrics are my favourite bcs they are all good af]
and that's it. that is my favourite song. funny thing is, i just realised that most of the songs that i've listed are just so underrated. when i try to find a quote or chords form the song, i couldn't find it anywhere. by the way, these are not the only song that i listened to. i listened to a lot of songs. mostly by bands. i listened to pierce the veil, panic!at the disco, of monsters and men, paramore, fall out boys, my chemical romance. and i love all of their songs. but i just feel like it's not fair for me to pick only one song from the band as my favourite because there is a lot of songs that i equally love. so... yeah. anyway, this post took me two hours to write. aha. this is why i like to put my post on schedule so i won't get carried away by writing the post. so yeah, i hope any of you who reads this, listen to it and like it? i don't know. i feel like my music taste is different from all of my friends.
hello everybody~ how are you? good? good. no? i'm sorry. but whatever it is, i though i'd make another midnight posts because i like to ramble a lot during midnight, apparently aha. so yeah. also, i think i might change the way i post things. to be honest, i don't feel very enthusiast with my fangirl friday. i mean, i do love to talk about them, but i feel like it's limited with words. so i think i might cut that off. i don't know about friday i'm in love, but i'll try make it happen because i have to post once a month anyway. so yeah, there's that.
but yeah, since it's valentine's day yesterday, we're gonna talk about love, shall we? how ironic. nothing specific, just random. as that is what i do best. i don't celebrate valentine's day, but that doesn't mean i am not allowed to talk about love, right? so, to those who celebrate, happy valentine's day ♥ oh and mind you that i am having the worst headaches/migraine in the world <-- i'm just exaggerating, it's not the worst but it hurts quite a lot. so if anything that i will be saying in a couple of minute doesn't make sense, do apologise.
gotta have harry potter reference in any post possible aha
so, love. i don't know what to talk about really. back in the old days, i was a naive, "innocent" teenager who thought that i was matured. pffft. honestly, i cringe every time i think of that phase of mine. ew. i really thought that i have to be committed in every relationship that i was in. like i felt the need to be the best girlfriend of the year probably. and my goal was to be in a relationship more than a year or something and i achieved that, props to me. not. however, everything went down to waste. what a naive girl i was. little did i know, a few years later i will be the ultimate heartless bitch who couldn't care less about not having a boyfriend. in fact, i saviour every moment of it. seriously, if you are single, embrace it because you have at least one less problem to care about.
but it is not like i am anti-love or something like that, but i feel like "yeah whatever" when i think about relationship. i still have a crush and all (let's not talk about that). all i am thinking right now is my fictional boyfriends, books, and food. ah good ol' days.
once, i read a quote somewhere from twitter. it said, "love is a feeling, not a decision." and i used to agree with that. that love is a feeling; not a decision. but then, i stumbled upon a tweet about it. and it said, love is a decision after all. and since that day, my whole point of view has changed and let me tell you why.
feelings fade. no matter how hard you try to keep that feeling, at some point in your life you will find you don't love that person any longer, get bored or maybe outgrew from them. and it is true. i may have experienced it or i may not. so i think if you are moving on, it is just a matter of time that you will grew apart from that person. and what will remain is the memory that will cause you a problem. because whenever you miss someone, you will always come back to the memories that you had with them. you don't necessarily go to that person and tell them that you miss them. NOT REALLY. so if you are moving on, don't let the memory hang on the back of your mind. let the memory go, eventually you will let the person go as well.
you might think that what the freakin hell do you mean that love is a decision? how the hell do you decide that you love someone. okay, see. the thing is, as i said earlier that feelings fade, so all that's left for you is a choice. a decision for you to choose. you choose to love that person. you choose to be that person all over again. okay, this one, i don't mean for you to choose over a person again and again if they have cheated on you. nope. certainly do not. instead, i mean it in the way, i will choose you no matter how hard it is to be with you. for example, your partner have like a financial problems to deal with, but you are still there with them instead of dumping them. that is what i mean. we choose to love someone. even if we are mad at them. we choose to forgive them. not to stop loving them.
god, i feel like an old lady talking about this. but yeah, this is what i mean by love is a decision. indeed it is.
on the other hand, i find that most of us will usually end up with someone that doesn't appreciate us, but we love them any ways. do you get what i mean? yeah, that. the only reason to that is we accept the love we think we deserve. okay, now listen. if you can't be yourself whenever you are around them, they might not be the one. the person who loves us will always be the one who brings out the best version of ourselves. and that is how you become happy for being in a relationship with someone. but remember that to not be afraid to have a fight in a relationship because it is totally normal. i used to think that a happy relationship is a couple who never had a fight. i was wrong, really. however, i certainly do not mean a fight where one of you beating each other. that is abuse. if you are facing that, leave them.
my definition of soulmate is probably a person who can accept me how weird i am and do not bother to change the fact that i am just born as a weirdo. a person who i totally don't mind if i haven't been taling to for a long time, but when you talk to them after a long time, it feels like you haven't been missing a day of not talking them (does that make sense?). kinda like when we are with our best friends. you don't always have to talk to them to know that you are their friends, you just know that they are always there. a person who is a complete opposite of me. fire+fire=more fire. right? i always imagine that because i love to write, my partner will be the one who loves to read. so there, we can complete each other. but you know, people always said that if a fangirl likes you, then you are a lucky person. because fangirl has a quite high standard. and i find that, it is true hahaha. so, i think maybe i'd rather be in a relationship with a fictional characters rather than being in love with the wrong person.
i think i totally went all out about love hahaha. but yeah, don't worry if you are single. the best is yet to come. God saves the best for the last. have fun. there's nothing to worry about. fate has been written for you, just pray for the best. we are all created in pairs, aren't we? so, no worries. you still have your friends. saviour this moment as you are still single. once you are married, there will be barely any time for you to have a pamper evening, hang out with your friends. so no need the rush. be cool about it.
lol i am just saying this, but my heart is utterly broken because i will always be fanzoned by my favourite youtubers or i will never ever date my fictional boyfriend :(
weirdo.
so anyway, that is all i have to talk about love. what a post. i literally just mixed everything up in one post over a same topic. but yeah, i love you lots. oh and just a disclaimer, if you don't agree with me, i'm sorry. this is just my opinion. i am certainly NOT a love expert or something. i talk based on my experience.
first off, i actually forgotten that i was supposed to update a blog post yesterday. as i am writing this, i am 52 minutes forward from yesterday. i am in da futureeeeee (and also the past by the time some of you read this). okay calm down. so basically this is me, updating a blog post 7 minutes to 1 in the morning. crazy, i'nit? no. not really. fair warning: this blog post is going to be super random as you are aware of the title. after midnight's thoughts. you all know what happen in your mind right when the clock struck 12 in the midnight. everything that you are thinking become deep. so deep, adele couldn't even roll it.
nowadays, i barely think about my past. because nothing good ever lived there. the darkness of my past was like some kind of a blob of a black paint on my life canvas somewhere. we all have the darkness in us, haven't we? so, all i am thinking right now is the present and sometimes the future which terrifies me, a LOT. the thought of turning 18 is scary. i am going to have to be a responsible adult in mostly everything that i do. and i am sitting here, wondering how to adult. i can barely speak in front of people without stuttering, so how the hell am i going to pay all the bills by myself? *shudders*
to think about it, exactly last year, i was not as happy as i am these days. i was at the unhappiest moments in my life. i am really grateful that i have finally moved on from that dark side of me. all i can hope was that for that darkness not to haunt me again. because i am already perfectly fine in my own. the most important thing is for me to stop myself from overthinking. doesn't matter if it is about the past or the future. just focus on the present. because thinking about future really makes me anxious which is not a good thing.
also, maybe if i try to tell myself frequently to stop caring about what others might think or feel about me so much, then maybe i have finally reached to another level of happiness. aha. boo hoo, people. say watcha gotta say. me don't care. mmm watcha sayyy~
midnight really makes my mind work really good. the way i write is probably different than usual, i guess. it is funny to think that i got an award for the best student in English (English only cause I suck in other subjects). because the truth is, i probably know only 5%-15% of words in English language. because the truth is we will never gain enough knowledge in our lifetime. that's why we will never stop learning. academically or theoretically. and the most mind blowing thing is that to compare ourselves with the the whole universe, we are just a speck of dust. yet we still matter in this world. without you and i, there are probably somebody else who wouldn't be or feel complete in their life. how Great is God. and how exquisite His creations are. beyond amazing.
told you, this entry will be way too deep. it's weird, right? how our minds do that. why do we thought about the most unquestionable things during the midnight? is it the surroundings? or is it the loneliness that we feel? okay, the more i think about. the weirder it feels for me. so maybe i'll just go off to bed, really. i have a really bad sleeping patterns these days, everyday this year. so let's just pray that liyana will be able to sort out her sleeping schedules so that she will feel as normal because that is how the human nature works. (that doesn't mean being different is not good, but having a not normal sleeping schedule is not to be proud of because you have different sleeping time with others. that is not different, that is just unhealthy.)
somebody really needs to get me off from here. the longer i stay, the weirder this post has become.
So Long and Good Night,
L.
okay i swear this is the last one but did someone sing to Helena by MCR when reading that? cause i do. ok guddbai guddbai
the cat says hi. i lied. cats can't talk. the cat just said meow. awkz.
that is it. i am going to call my monday's post as monday blues HAH but most of you might have thought that i am going to complain everything about monday. instead, i am going to post some positive stuffs on monday to spread some positive vibes. yeah right. i might going to complain about something on the inside in about two minutes from now. not that you guys know mueheheh k i'll try my best not to, okay?
okay here is the plan:
i am going to post at least 2-3 posts a week. and my plan is that i am going to have friday as my #fangirlfriday section since i have been wanting to talk about my favourite youtubers and fictional characters and stuffs. yo, how cool is that? SO COOL. but might be so lame to most of you. god, i am such a freak. oh yeah and and andddd i am going to have a section every first week of the month called Friday I'm in Love and i will be talking about my favourites for the month before that. get it? does that make any sort of sense at all? it is kinda like all the beauty gurus do in their channel but instead of beauty stuffs that i know nothing about, i am going to be talking about things that i know. i don't want to be some beauty gurus wannabe or something like that. so not cool.
sounds like a good plan, eh? but let's see how long will it last until we will all laugh about it by the end of this month. hah.
the thing is i really love blogging because i just can write stuffs and ramble about a lot of things. fun fact: i have been blogging since 2011. my first url was block-my-blog.blogspot.com HAH HOW LAME. i was 13 years old back then. mind you, i was good at writing but the editing bit was... very... i don't know. ew? i remember that i used to have a bright purple background. ugh. and a lot of highlights and colourful text and also "fancy" fonts. ugh. i cringe to the thought of that. ergh.
and by the time i was 14(?) i guess... i began to become better at editing. i knew how to edit html and stuffs. but by the time i was 15, i was busy with being 15 LOL and i abandoned this blog for quite a long time and i decided to come back last year. and now, here i am. blogging some random stuffs.
to be true, i was actually inspired by zoella, poppy deyes, hannah maggs, velvetgh0st and a lot of other bloggers that write really good posts. and here i am, doing the opposite of that. i will try my best to improve my writing. i can feel like my writing style is so messy and IT HURT *miranda's voice*
sometimes i think that maybe i do this because i really wanted to make a youtube video BUT i am just awkward and don't have confidence and everything that's bad hahaha. wait. i was supposed to spread some positivity ah danggit. never mind. i am a human. okay, continue... see, i kinda make my blog like a youtube account with all the favourite stuffs and sh--akalaka~ and i like it. i love how it is now. i'll try to make it better though.
okay, move along. let's talk about last week. how was yours? mine was the best i could ever ask for. and today is also a good, good day that i need to remember when i have a bad day. last week, i had a sleepover with my best friend for two days. i've learned how to play ukulele and now i need to put ukulele as one of my birthday wish list that is only known by me hah. might make a post about it later because why not. it is just fun. talking about something that you love. the love towards it will just grow, am i right laddies?
so yeah, we watched a lot of youtube videos and movies, of course. a sleepover cannot be done without movies. we even stayed up all night, cracking up to tyler oakley's video. not to forget mytoecold's. god, i just love youtube. thank you to the Creator that created the creator that has created youtube. haz. and we watched the saddest movie ever. we even held each other and bawling our eyes out. it was rather horrid, i tell you. as for today, i went out with ma galz da soul sistazzz ah yiss~ we just hang out together since the school is over and we haven't been seeing each other for a long time. all we did was eat. and eat. talk talk talk. laugh. eat. and go back home to our natural habitat with our natural habit of doing nothing and being lifeless on repeat day by day until the day our results come out. hah. sad, sad. i know. but oh well.
whew, do i ramble about a lot of things. so yeah. i hope it worth the read. thanks for spending your time reading this. love yaaaa *sends a virtual hug - but to the girls only* see you in the next post for this week. toodles~
hello? i guess? sorry, i have been gone for awhile now. i wasn't feeling like i want to write. i don't why, i don't know why. but hey, here i am. let's cherish this moment while it lasts, shall we?
actually, i don't really have the main topic for this post. but i do have some ideas of what i will be talking about. the thing is, i just don't know where to begin with. but maybe, that's what. it's not about something to begin with, but it's about something to end with.
i don't know if this is one of my insecurities or what (yes, i do have plenty of insecurities besides my appearances. but i mean, don't we all?). i want to point out about my clingyness (<-- is this a proper english word? whatever). is this something to be insecured about? is this a flaw? i don't know.
i am this kind of person that will be clingy towards you when i am comfortable with you. but i don't mean like a normal clingy, but i will spam you with my texts. i want to spend my time 24/7 with you and get annoyed or mad or sad when i don't, and you have to do the same. basically, i will never let you out of my sight when i have reached to that one level of being comfortable with certain people. do you get what i mean?
i used to be fine with myself being clingy. not until someone told me that i need to stop because i am being annoying. and i guess, that has left me scarred and scared for life. my mind will be forever scarred that i am annoying for being clingy. and i will be forever scared to be attached to someone because i'm scared that i will annoy the fuck out of them with this clingyness.
i didn't realise it until yesterday. that my clingyness is one of my insecurities. and i hated myself for being in such ways. i tweeted about it and one of my favourite people replied and said that maybe that person is not the right person for me to cling on. and that really opened up my mind. she is right.
that person didn't even deserve my attention. not even my love, yet i still loved him. thank God i have kicked him out of my life. he was like my biggest lesson in life. he didn't even treat me well. why the hell was i with him? ugh. but whatever it is, i have moved on. it just that i have a few moment in my life where i will think about my past, especially the bad ones. just for self-reflection. so that i will never repeat the same mistake again.
so, lessons learned, kids. remember that always careful about something that you gotta say about someone. it might be one of their insecurities. and for you to point that out to them, will be the biggest nightmare and will scar them for life. just remember that our insecurities doesn't revolve around our physical appearances only.
and another lesson from this post is, if that person don't treat you well and ignore you, just leave them. they are not worth any attention to you. get you a person who can treat you like a normal human being. that can accept you and learn how to deal with your flaws. don't let them tell you what to do. just be you. if that person can't accept you for being yourself, then what are you waiting for? cause someone out there could love you more. (okay, to be fair, that was troye sivan's lyrics from lost boy but screw it. i like the lyrics and it speaks the truth.)
any way, if you don't feel loved when you are around someone that you love, then just walk away. you are loved. i promise you. but not by them. okay?
i think that's for it now. i don't have anything else to say. i miss writing so much. i do have a lot of things to talk about. i just don't know how to put it into proper words and it is just to much that i don't know where on earth should i begin. i'll try to post as often as i could since i haven't started my school yet. so yeaaahhh. gotta gowww.
hello? i guess? god, i haven't updated my blog for what it seems like, centuries. i was feeling so unmotivated. i do have a lot of things to talk about but i don't seem to have the motivation to put into words. a lot of things has happened this few weeks. one of them is i got my SPM result. i got 4A2B1C2D. don't ask. but gladly, luckily, i got A+ for my english. couldn't be happier. i do not have anything to complain about my results, really. i am really grateful with what i have been given. but it seems like some of them are not satisfied with it. why do they have to make me feel like i am being less ungrateful? ugh.
so i don't really have any topics to talk about today. so i will just rant out my thoughts at the moment. actually, i am updating my blog in my old school. i was supposed to assist my teacher for the public speaking audition. but the teachers are having meeting, so it got cancelled and i am already in school. well, at least, i am not sitting on bum at home, doing nothing aye? but i am actually doing the same thing, only in different location.
i was thinking about where am i going to continue my studies. in which field? should i enter form 6 or should i continue with foundation regarding my English result. i don't want to waste it. so i don't know. not to brag, but i was one of the A+ students for english. there were only 2 A+ students aha. so yeah. that is why i said that i don't want to waste it.
also, i feel like i want to write a book. right now. not even in the future. but like right now. is that normal? but then again, in liyana's life, what is normal?
apparently, 18 years ago from today, i was born. aha. yep. today is my birthday. weirdly i like my birth date because i found it quite hard to find somebody with a same birth date as mine. so, i think that maybe i should write a short post. mediocre short post. i cannot guarantee anything about how long this post gonna be. well then, i better start it right now.
so, here you go. 18 things i learned in life;
1. if someone doesn't appreciate you or treat you like you deserve to be treated, they are not worth the hurt, the pain and the heartbreak.
2. you make mistake because you are a human. it is normal for human to err.
3. make sure when you decided to walk out of someone's life, do not turn back around.
4. love your parents. they may not understand you all the time, but they will always be there to love you.
5. if someone say that they want you, be sure that they show it. not just say it.
6. don't let your past define who you are now.
7. if your best friend doesn't like your partner, there must be something wrong. you see what you want to see; and that will cover up all the flaws.
8. true friends will accept for who you are and never will judge you by your past.
9. friends fight, that's that. but true friends will always come back.
10. not everyone wants to hear about your problem, let alone care about it. try not to someone solve your problem for you. just let them be just the listener.
11. try to do new things. step out of your comfort zone. that's how you find yourself.
12. if you want something, work for it. people aren't born talented, honey. they work for it.
13. sometimes, even though you do your best, it is still not enough for someone else. so take the matters of your own hand. do not depend on someone else too much.
14. when you are promised or convinced with something, always expect for the least. it is hard to find someone who keep their promises.
15. do not let someone else be your happiness, they will always break it.
16. people's definitions of beautiful are different. if they tell you that you are ugly, someone else might see you like you are the most beautiful thing in the world.
17. people often sugarcoat things. so do not rely on the bright side. be prepared for the bitter.
18. it's quite flattering for someone to have a crush on you. but remember, being somebody's crush means that they like you for what they see. go for someone who has seen all the sides of you, and still want you for who you are.
god, that is all. i feel like there's a lot of other things that i want to point out but i have limited into 18. this is just what i learned. doesn't mean i'm right though. this is just how i feel. i haven't been living for a long time. i still do have something more to learn about. toodles~
written on Thursday, February 18, 2016 @ 4:00 PM ✈
hey guyssss! here i am laying down on my bed in front my laptop, typing away some words into a full on sentence which i hope does make sense since it is like 10 minutes past 12 in the midnight. yeah, i put my blog post on schedule because i am THAT dedicated. i don't know why but i have the feeling that i have the need to talk about my favourite songs.
okay here's a thing. somehow, i find that one of the hardest question or one of a question with an infinite answer is "what is your favourite song?" and most of the time, i will just tell them about my current favourite song. it is impossible for me to answer an instant i have been questioned that question. i think i might have to sit down for a few days and write down all the songs that i love. then, i will be coming up to you with what-it-seems-like-a-harry-potter-and-the-order-of-the-phoenix but it is not. it is just as thick as that and when you read it, you will find that it is actually a list of my favourite songs.
however, in this post i won't be only talking about the songs that i love. but these are the songs that actually speaks for me. and you will find that most of the songs are actually instrumental and it is accurate. because sometimes, not even words can describe what do you feel inside, right? the songs that i will be giving out mostly have the lyrics that i found that even myself, can barely decipher thoroughly into it. instead, it will just end up with me thinking about that sing even more, trying to find and understand the lyrics, or what the story behind it. long story short, these are the songs that the lyrics or just the musics haunt me for ever.
and now that i have the song listed on my brain, i just realised that almost all of the songs are the only song that i heard and loved by a singer/band that i am not that obsessed with. (does this make sense?) and being the band obsessed as i am, i find that it is hard for me to choose only ONE SONG that i love from that band. that is just impossible. so none of the song that will be listed are from the bands or singer that i am obsessed with.
this song is just pure perfection. i find that this song gives me a roller coaster emotion. it starts of slow and in the middle it just blew me away. this is the song that gets me to dance although i am not a dancer; even terrible at it. it just hits me in the right place. oohhh, and fun fact, this song is in the movie Insidious. i was actually trying to find the song that Renee was singing with the piano and found this one instead. it is in the scene where they have moved into a new house and found somebody changing the song to Tiptoe Through The Tulips and dancing to it. it was the song before that.
well, this one, also was a main theme from a movie Requiem for a Dream. the story behind this happened recently actually. i was looking at the synthesia thing on youtube, because i was obsessed with piano instrumental at the moment. and then, i saw in the recommended section but it was entitled Requiem of a Dream and i was attracted by the title. and when the song started, i knew by that moment, i was screwed. just like Nuvole Bianche, the song starts of slow and in the middle of it, it just caused a riot in my heart. and there was this one time when i was listening to the full original version of it, not the piano instrumental version, when i was in the mall with my family. and in the piano instrumental, it wasn't a full version. so when i started to listen to the full original version of it, in the mall, i got chills and i was just starstrucked by it. and i just had to watch the movie which i find it quite interesting. not my favourite but it is a nice movie. i ended up in tears which i always do, so no surprise.
okay, this one actually i don't know what's the title because i found it on dance moms. it just happened to be the song from my most favourite group routine.; runaway/children with guns. when i rewatch the sow, i was mad because in the show they didn't really use the title children with guns and they didn't include the newscast. and i am super annoyed because the dance routine is just amazing and the story behind it just ahhhh. YOU MUST WATCH IT. i just love it so much i don't know why. but i am going to leave a video here.
okay, i just gotta save the best instrumental for the last. i discovered this song from the game Life is Strange that i watched Jacksepticeye playing. it is just amazing. i love the game, i love the soundtrack especially this one. because they used this song when Max listened to the voice mail that Nathan sent to her. and it just breaks me inside. it still does. that is like the part that all part of me shattered into pieces. HEARTBREAKING AF.
and here goes the song that is not instrumental lol
this song was also from dance moms. when i listened to this song while watching the dance routine. all i'm thing about is WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT???? i nearly cry every time i watch the dance routine. the lyrics is just simple but there is a whole lot meaning to it and i cannot interpret it which is disappointing for me. but all in all, i feel like the singer, is so underrated. and i have heard most of the song by them and it is actually good??? but i don't think anybody will know who they are which is very sad because they have like very good musics. thank God for dance moms. oh and also, the song was also from my favourite dance routine. so i'm gonna leave the video here for you to watch.
here is another song that i am grateful that i have mobile data and downloaded shazam because i heard this song was playing in the mall, so i just had to Shazam it. and i looked like an idiot because the volume was very low so it is hard to Shazam, then i had to raise my phone up in the air so it could detect the song. luckily, it did its job. i would be miserable if i can't find it. but to be exact, i only heard the music, not the lyrics. but when i search for the lyrics, i was like DAMN GIRL WHAT IS THISSSS. the lyrics to it just opened up my eyes and heart and mind.
i found this song from the awesomenesstv series with amanda steele on it called guidance. and in the second episode of it, if i am not mistaken, the counsellor interviewed a guy, i don't know what their relationship were. but this song started to play when they guy saw the girl dancing. when i listened to the lyrics thoroughly, i just... felt connected to it. it is so damn accurate??? but the lyrics are pretty self-explanatory. but the meaning just got me like... that explains me in a love life at that moment? aha. don't judge me.
the story about how i discover this song is pretty darn cute actually. i follow this poetry account (@wasitw0rtit) on instagram. and one day, the owner decided to make like a playlist based on each letter of our name. all we had to do was leave our name and our favourite genre. and she dm-ed me a picture of my name and the songs, which i didn't thought she would do because DAMN there was a lot of people who commented on that picture. so yeah, and one of which was this song that got me attached to it. the lyrics are very poetic, and i don't know. it is just beautiful. this song is just beautiful. i feel calm whenever listen to this song.
i didn't actually just found this actual song. i actually found the band when i was listening to other song. and then i saw someone uploaded the whole album of the band and i listened to it. i am attracted to the video because of the band's name. (Copeland is Kellin Quinn's daughter's name.)i like them. but i am not obsessed with them. but at that moment i was just trying to find a new song to listen to. so i try to listen every single one of the song from that band. and at last, i am only attached to this one song until now :)
i don't quite remember how did i find this song but what i remember was, as soon as i clicked on this song, i heard a very beautiful guitar arrangement in the beginning of the song. so then, i get the hang of it. until the end of the song. and that find that song just speaks to me at that moment. the words used in that songs just blew me away. and there was this one lyric that just makes me realise that, there's no way that there will be other song who describe it than this song can. i don't know. i just feel that the lyrics just hit in the right place. and i, even used some of the lyrics in my SPM Essay which you will find in my writings section in this blog <-- shameless self promoting.
there's a degree of difficulty in dealing with me.
this song is just plain big question mark. i am so curious about the story behind it. what the lyrics meant. it just left me thinking a lot. every lyrics just stuck in my head. i can't get away from the curiousity. every time i listen to this song, i feel like i can relate to it but i don't know which part of the lyrics. so yeah. that is freaking haunting now, does it? but somebody interpret it as the couple broke up because one of them cannot follow up with one of the partner's life as s/he is a celebrity? stars and boulevards? i don't know. all i know is just i love it.
look out, they're coming after us with big guns.
they're only gonna tell you all the bad things i've done.
even if the words they say aren't truth, they've won.
THIS SONG IS MY MOST FAVOURITE. i can't even describe how much i love this song. this song is me in a song. when people ask me to describe myself in song, i would give them this song. every lyrics of it. i found this song when i'm trying to find the song from Sala Samabojcow (Suicide Room) <-- one of my favourite song. then i found this song instead even though this song is not the soundtrack of the movie. gurllll, it's the soundtrack of me, i tell you. hahaha. and they don't even have the music video, somebody just make an edit of this song and the movie suicide room. it is so relatable. i don't know how to put it into words. really.
GOTTA SAVE THE BEST FOR THE LAST OKAYYYY THIS SONG IS MY MOST FAVOURITE SONG AS WELL. this is the first and strange is also the first. get it? both are my first most favourite. drew monson, if any of you who did not know (how dare you) is actually a youtuber. and my favourite as well. he is a friend of shane dawson. you might want to look drew's channel like i'm not even kidding. he is amazing. he is hilarious. just search mytoecold on youtube and binge watch it.
at first, i didn't even know he can sing or has a singing channel. i just found it when i saw his My Youtube Drama video. in the end of the video, he played piano and i was completely starstrucked by it. he just played it so effortlessly yet still so beautiful. so i just read the comments and found out his singing channel: thepophefakes. and i am grateful for it. his songs are beautiful. please listen to it. he is like lowkey musically talented. i am so sad that he doesn't get the attention that he deserved to get. the lyrics to this song is just completely moving. he also made a video about the song. what the lyrics meant. and you have to watch it as well. it is the most crucial part. because when i first listen to it, i don't really understand the song. but when i watched the video, i get the whole meaning of it and i am just so in love with it.
[i don't even know which lyrics are my favourite bcs they are all good af]
and that's it. that is my favourite song. funny thing is, i just realised that most of the songs that i've listed are just so underrated. when i try to find a quote or chords form the song, i couldn't find it anywhere. by the way, these are not the only song that i listened to. i listened to a lot of songs. mostly by bands. i listened to pierce the veil, panic!at the disco, of monsters and men, paramore, fall out boys, my chemical romance. and i love all of their songs. but i just feel like it's not fair for me to pick only one song from the band as my favourite because there is a lot of songs that i equally love. so... yeah. anyway, this post took me two hours to write. aha. this is why i like to put my post on schedule so i won't get carried away by writing the post. so yeah, i hope any of you who reads this, listen to it and like it? i don't know. i feel like my music taste is different from all of my friends.
hello everybody~ how are you? good? good. no? i'm sorry. but whatever it is, i though i'd make another midnight posts because i like to ramble a lot during midnight, apparently aha. so yeah. also, i think i might change the way i post things. to be honest, i don't feel very enthusiast with my fangirl friday. i mean, i do love to talk about them, but i feel like it's limited with words. so i think i might cut that off. i don't know about friday i'm in love, but i'll try make it happen because i have to post once a month anyway. so yeah, there's that.
but yeah, since it's valentine's day yesterday, we're gonna talk about love, shall we? how ironic. nothing specific, just random. as that is what i do best. i don't celebrate valentine's day, but that doesn't mean i am not allowed to talk about love, right? so, to those who celebrate, happy valentine's day ♥ oh and mind you that i am having the worst headaches/migraine in the world <-- i'm just exaggerating, it's not the worst but it hurts quite a lot. so if anything that i will be saying in a couple of minute doesn't make sense, do apologise.
gotta have harry potter reference in any post possible aha
so, love. i don't know what to talk about really. back in the old days, i was a naive, "innocent" teenager who thought that i was matured. pffft. honestly, i cringe every time i think of that phase of mine. ew. i really thought that i have to be committed in every relationship that i was in. like i felt the need to be the best girlfriend of the year probably. and my goal was to be in a relationship more than a year or something and i achieved that, props to me. not. however, everything went down to waste. what a naive girl i was. little did i know, a few years later i will be the ultimate heartless bitch who couldn't care less about not having a boyfriend. in fact, i saviour every moment of it. seriously, if you are single, embrace it because you have at least one less problem to care about.
but it is not like i am anti-love or something like that, but i feel like "yeah whatever" when i think about relationship. i still have a crush and all (let's not talk about that). all i am thinking right now is my fictional boyfriends, books, and food. ah good ol' days.
once, i read a quote somewhere from twitter. it said, "love is a feeling, not a decision." and i used to agree with that. that love is a feeling; not a decision. but then, i stumbled upon a tweet about it. and it said, love is a decision after all. and since that day, my whole point of view has changed and let me tell you why.
feelings fade. no matter how hard you try to keep that feeling, at some point in your life you will find you don't love that person any longer, get bored or maybe outgrew from them. and it is true. i may have experienced it or i may not. so i think if you are moving on, it is just a matter of time that you will grew apart from that person. and what will remain is the memory that will cause you a problem. because whenever you miss someone, you will always come back to the memories that you had with them. you don't necessarily go to that person and tell them that you miss them. NOT REALLY. so if you are moving on, don't let the memory hang on the back of your mind. let the memory go, eventually you will let the person go as well.
you might think that what the freakin hell do you mean that love is a decision? how the hell do you decide that you love someone. okay, see. the thing is, as i said earlier that feelings fade, so all that's left for you is a choice. a decision for you to choose. you choose to love that person. you choose to be that person all over again. okay, this one, i don't mean for you to choose over a person again and again if they have cheated on you. nope. certainly do not. instead, i mean it in the way, i will choose you no matter how hard it is to be with you. for example, your partner have like a financial problems to deal with, but you are still there with them instead of dumping them. that is what i mean. we choose to love someone. even if we are mad at them. we choose to forgive them. not to stop loving them.
god, i feel like an old lady talking about this. but yeah, this is what i mean by love is a decision. indeed it is.
on the other hand, i find that most of us will usually end up with someone that doesn't appreciate us, but we love them any ways. do you get what i mean? yeah, that. the only reason to that is we accept the love we think we deserve. okay, now listen. if you can't be yourself whenever you are around them, they might not be the one. the person who loves us will always be the one who brings out the best version of ourselves. and that is how you become happy for being in a relationship with someone. but remember that to not be afraid to have a fight in a relationship because it is totally normal. i used to think that a happy relationship is a couple who never had a fight. i was wrong, really. however, i certainly do not mean a fight where one of you beating each other. that is abuse. if you are facing that, leave them.
my definition of soulmate is probably a person who can accept me how weird i am and do not bother to change the fact that i am just born as a weirdo. a person who i totally don't mind if i haven't been taling to for a long time, but when you talk to them after a long time, it feels like you haven't been missing a day of not talking them (does that make sense?). kinda like when we are with our best friends. you don't always have to talk to them to know that you are their friends, you just know that they are always there. a person who is a complete opposite of me. fire+fire=more fire. right? i always imagine that because i love to write, my partner will be the one who loves to read. so there, we can complete each other. but you know, people always said that if a fangirl likes you, then you are a lucky person. because fangirl has a quite high standard. and i find that, it is true hahaha. so, i think maybe i'd rather be in a relationship with a fictional characters rather than being in love with the wrong person.
i think i totally went all out about love hahaha. but yeah, don't worry if you are single. the best is yet to come. God saves the best for the last. have fun. there's nothing to worry about. fate has been written for you, just pray for the best. we are all created in pairs, aren't we? so, no worries. you still have your friends. saviour this moment as you are still single. once you are married, there will be barely any time for you to have a pamper evening, hang out with your friends. so no need the rush. be cool about it.
lol i am just saying this, but my heart is utterly broken because i will always be fanzoned by my favourite youtubers or i will never ever date my fictional boyfriend :(
weirdo.
so anyway, that is all i have to talk about love. what a post. i literally just mixed everything up in one post over a same topic. but yeah, i love you lots. oh and just a disclaimer, if you don't agree with me, i'm sorry. this is just my opinion. i am certainly NOT a love expert or something. i talk based on my experience.
first off, i actually forgotten that i was supposed to update a blog post yesterday. as i am writing this, i am 52 minutes forward from yesterday. i am in da futureeeeee (and also the past by the time some of you read this). okay calm down. so basically this is me, updating a blog post 7 minutes to 1 in the morning. crazy, i'nit? no. not really. fair warning: this blog post is going to be super random as you are aware of the title. after midnight's thoughts. you all know what happen in your mind right when the clock struck 12 in the midnight. everything that you are thinking become deep. so deep, adele couldn't even roll it.
nowadays, i barely think about my past. because nothing good ever lived there. the darkness of my past was like some kind of a blob of a black paint on my life canvas somewhere. we all have the darkness in us, haven't we? so, all i am thinking right now is the present and sometimes the future which terrifies me, a LOT. the thought of turning 18 is scary. i am going to have to be a responsible adult in mostly everything that i do. and i am sitting here, wondering how to adult. i can barely speak in front of people without stuttering, so how the hell am i going to pay all the bills by myself? *shudders*
to think about it, exactly last year, i was not as happy as i am these days. i was at the unhappiest moments in my life. i am really grateful that i have finally moved on from that dark side of me. all i can hope was that for that darkness not to haunt me again. because i am already perfectly fine in my own. the most important thing is for me to stop myself from overthinking. doesn't matter if it is about the past or the future. just focus on the present. because thinking about future really makes me anxious which is not a good thing.
also, maybe if i try to tell myself frequently to stop caring about what others might think or feel about me so much, then maybe i have finally reached to another level of happiness. aha. boo hoo, people. say watcha gotta say. me don't care. mmm watcha sayyy~
midnight really makes my mind work really good. the way i write is probably different than usual, i guess. it is funny to think that i got an award for the best student in English (English only cause I suck in other subjects). because the truth is, i probably know only 5%-15% of words in English language. because the truth is we will never gain enough knowledge in our lifetime. that's why we will never stop learning. academically or theoretically. and the most mind blowing thing is that to compare ourselves with the the whole universe, we are just a speck of dust. yet we still matter in this world. without you and i, there are probably somebody else who wouldn't be or feel complete in their life. how Great is God. and how exquisite His creations are. beyond amazing.
told you, this entry will be way too deep. it's weird, right? how our minds do that. why do we thought about the most unquestionable things during the midnight? is it the surroundings? or is it the loneliness that we feel? okay, the more i think about. the weirder it feels for me. so maybe i'll just go off to bed, really. i have a really bad sleeping patterns these days, everyday this year. so let's just pray that liyana will be able to sort out her sleeping schedules so that she will feel as normal because that is how the human nature works. (that doesn't mean being different is not good, but having a not normal sleeping schedule is not to be proud of because you have different sleeping time with others. that is not different, that is just unhealthy.)
somebody really needs to get me off from here. the longer i stay, the weirder this post has become.
So Long and Good Night,
L.
okay i swear this is the last one but did someone sing to Helena by MCR when reading that? cause i do. ok guddbai guddbai
the cat says hi. i lied. cats can't talk. the cat just said meow. awkz.
that is it. i am going to call my monday's post as monday blues HAH but most of you might have thought that i am going to complain everything about monday. instead, i am going to post some positive stuffs on monday to spread some positive vibes. yeah right. i might going to complain about something on the inside in about two minutes from now. not that you guys know mueheheh k i'll try my best not to, okay?
okay here is the plan:
i am going to post at least 2-3 posts a week. and my plan is that i am going to have friday as my #fangirlfriday section since i have been wanting to talk about my favourite youtubers and fictional characters and stuffs. yo, how cool is that? SO COOL. but might be so lame to most of you. god, i am such a freak. oh yeah and and andddd i am going to have a section every first week of the month called Friday I'm in Love and i will be talking about my favourites for the month before that. get it? does that make any sort of sense at all? it is kinda like all the beauty gurus do in their channel but instead of beauty stuffs that i know nothing about, i am going to be talking about things that i know. i don't want to be some beauty gurus wannabe or something like that. so not cool.
sounds like a good plan, eh? but let's see how long will it last until we will all laugh about it by the end of this month. hah.
the thing is i really love blogging because i just can write stuffs and ramble about a lot of things. fun fact: i have been blogging since 2011. my first url was block-my-blog.blogspot.com HAH HOW LAME. i was 13 years old back then. mind you, i was good at writing but the editing bit was... very... i don't know. ew? i remember that i used to have a bright purple background. ugh. and a lot of highlights and colourful text and also "fancy" fonts. ugh. i cringe to the thought of that. ergh.
and by the time i was 14(?) i guess... i began to become better at editing. i knew how to edit html and stuffs. but by the time i was 15, i was busy with being 15 LOL and i abandoned this blog for quite a long time and i decided to come back last year. and now, here i am. blogging some random stuffs.
to be true, i was actually inspired by zoella, poppy deyes, hannah maggs, velvetgh0st and a lot of other bloggers that write really good posts. and here i am, doing the opposite of that. i will try my best to improve my writing. i can feel like my writing style is so messy and IT HURT *miranda's voice*
sometimes i think that maybe i do this because i really wanted to make a youtube video BUT i am just awkward and don't have confidence and everything that's bad hahaha. wait. i was supposed to spread some positivity ah danggit. never mind. i am a human. okay, continue... see, i kinda make my blog like a youtube account with all the favourite stuffs and sh--akalaka~ and i like it. i love how it is now. i'll try to make it better though.
okay, move along. let's talk about last week. how was yours? mine was the best i could ever ask for. and today is also a good, good day that i need to remember when i have a bad day. last week, i had a sleepover with my best friend for two days. i've learned how to play ukulele and now i need to put ukulele as one of my birthday wish list that is only known by me hah. might make a post about it later because why not. it is just fun. talking about something that you love. the love towards it will just grow, am i right laddies?
so yeah, we watched a lot of youtube videos and movies, of course. a sleepover cannot be done without movies. we even stayed up all night, cracking up to tyler oakley's video. not to forget mytoecold's. god, i just love youtube. thank you to the Creator that created the creator that has created youtube. haz. and we watched the saddest movie ever. we even held each other and bawling our eyes out. it was rather horrid, i tell you. as for today, i went out with ma galz da soul sistazzz ah yiss~ we just hang out together since the school is over and we haven't been seeing each other for a long time. all we did was eat. and eat. talk talk talk. laugh. eat. and go back home to our natural habitat with our natural habit of doing nothing and being lifeless on repeat day by day until the day our results come out. hah. sad, sad. i know. but oh well.
whew, do i ramble about a lot of things. so yeah. i hope it worth the read. thanks for spending your time reading this. love yaaaa *sends a virtual hug - but to the girls only* see you in the next post for this week. toodles~
“To put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.”
- James Allen Quotes
Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me,
what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered
because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that
I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone
who is life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts
or at least we are getting there.
my sunshine
links exchanged opened! just tag me but link me first
