Posted Friday, April 13, 2018 // 11:32 PM
you know what sucks? when you miss someone, but you can't do anything about it. i can't even tell him that, because he doesn't feel the same way as i do. maybe, unrequited love is just one of the karma from not loving someone who loves you. but i get it. i don't mind that. i totally deserve the pain from all the damages that i've done. the damages that are totally beyond repair. and so now i wait. i don't know what am i waiting for. but i'm waiting.
maybe for you to come back. but that seems impossible now, does it? you have walked miles away and i'm still at the same place where i was standing when you left 2 years ago. my knees have grown weaker and weaker each day but my will and hope for you are still going on strong.
i wonder if somewhere in this universe, there is a world where you love me as much as i do. a universe where we live happily together. in which we fix things together instead of leaving. maybe somewhere in the universe, there is a world in which we didn't feel the pain of loving someone so much it hurts and aches in every part of your body.
or what if there is a parallel universe where i finally get to move on. since i don't want to move on from you because where the fuck am i supposed to go when you bring all of me with you on the day you left? i wish forgetting things is as easy as deleting photos and texts. it would be easier if the memory of you are deleted along with the photos and texts that i deleted few months before.
if only it's that easy. everywhere i go, it feels like there are traces of you everywhere. the harder i try to forget, the stronger the memories are. it's like they are trying to defy it. like they know something is going to happen. i don't know. i really hope that we meet again, and at that moment, you can finally see me.
the thing about you is that, i'd take you back in a heartbeat. even if there are 10 feet tall of walls that i built with my bare hands, when you came back to me, i'd tear that shit down in seconds. because all i want is just you. i won't be asking much.
please, come back?
i promise i won't ask anything back from you,
except for y o u.
Posted Tuesday, March 27, 2018 // 11:03 PMto be honest? to be fucking honest, i miss writing. i miss blogging. i miss having the ability to just write and write like the words just spill from my finger to the keyboard, and form the alphabets to beautiful words. i should have embraced the time where i can write beautiful things. i miss writing about him. i miss him.
basically, at this moment of my life, i'm just missing everyone and everything. it feels like i'm dying. if only i could turn back the time. i wouldn't want to change anything. i just want to pay attention to the little details of my surroundings, knowing that that was the only time that i have to absorb the memories and appreciate things. my heart sank to the thought of that. i can feel like i'm losing myself. a bit by bit. i feel like i was already fading away, but i didn't realise that until now.
everything and anything slips from my fingers, just like water. sand. whatever it is. i have lost the grip. i don't want to hold on any longer. the past is pulling me with all of its force. i am stuck. people told me to move on, but where the fuck am i supposed to go?
where do i start
from h e r e
but i don't want to. tell the earth to stop rotating. pause, earth. i want to look him in the eyes for as long as i can because we both know, there will be no next time.
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